you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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