Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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