The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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