I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
