I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
