I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
