I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
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The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
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Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize