my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
