I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
