Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
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