Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
