guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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