she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
