Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
you didnt know i had herpes?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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