I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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