My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
