Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
