Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
