so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
