Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
