Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I want you more than these girls want KFC
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
she smelled like a LAN party
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Randomize
