If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
