it's like iHOP with fire
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
