There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
