Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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