Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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