I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
