You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
