is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
How external is "for external use only"?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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