My Higher Power is John Stamos
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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