i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
