highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
