Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
soo... how was my night?
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