Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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