8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Text me some of your sweat
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