i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I believe in your delicious
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
