I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
is it fun? or sober?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
