I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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