Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
