Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
