Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
You're like the curious george of whores
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
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