sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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