I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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