goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
