Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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