If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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