Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
