i would punch a child for taco bell
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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