Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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