she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
