my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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