please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
