i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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