My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
