I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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