TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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