Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
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