I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
She bit a glass in half.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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