but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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