Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
She said her name was "party"
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
