I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
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