12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
