Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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