I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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