so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
All the doctor said was why
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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