I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
