I must be too annoying 4 u.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Found the puke drawer
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
