I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
