Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
