i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
