theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
