He uses pillows to masturbate.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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