you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
