I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
