i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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