this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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