Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
