dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
